Sometimes I worry…

Well, I always worry. 

Sometimes I worry that my animosity and hatred for where we live won’t ever go away. I worry I will be so upset and damaged by living here that even when we do finally move I won’t be able to shake it. 

I worry that I will hate everywhere we live, because I’ve been ‘stuck’ here waiting. I’ve been wanting to leave the Bay Area for over 2 years, so for 2 years my wants and desires have been pushed to the side. Lately it doesn’t take much to push me over the edge.  

Will I ever be happy again? Will we find that good balance? Will Justin hold it against me? Will Justin blame me for not wanting to live here, causing is to move? 

I’m stuck in this house, these same walls, closing in on me every day. 

I worry every day that I will never be okay again. I worry that no one will try to make me happy, like I try to make them. I worry that I’m just disappearing into this anxiety/ panic disorder and I’m losing sight of who I am. 

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