My brain

It’s no secret, I have anxiety. They call it anxiety disorder, but I don’t know what’s so “disorderly” about it? 
People say, well can’t you turn it off? No, actually I can’t, and don’t you think if I could I would? 
People say, well just tell yourself to stop. Easier said than done. Yes I know my triggers, and believe me I try to stop. Sometimes my triggers are people, it’s not like I could easily say, “Hey you trigger my anxiety leave me alone.” Because doing that would make my anxiety EVEN worse. I do not like confrontation. 
The best way I can think of to describe it is like this: while someone may think in a (relatively) straight line, my way of thinking is following said line, but with zig zags, loops, dots, backtracking, and skipping ahead. 
I feel bad for anyone who’s brain operates like mine. It is exhausting, but I make due. I survive. As far as those people who trigger my anxiety, I’m working on that too. I am learning that if I keep putting other people ahead of myself, who’s going to put me first. So from now on it’s “me first” and if I can fit the rest of the world in, great. 

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